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Untitled1 -- © Psuke Bariah (Chela D)1/17/2000

          Lost and Alone
I am lost and alone
Not hurt
Not helpless
The bigger I get the more alone I become
The smaller I make myself the more confused I feel
Lost to myself and lost to you
Now what?

Untitiled2 © Psuke Bariah (Chela D)

World's open & doors close
Walk through the picture
Become real

add to story... copyright -- Psuke Bariah (aka Chela Norton Farrar)

She didn't remember exactly how she got there.  She
stood on the ramparts 
and stared across space at earth.  She was dreaming,
she knew she was…And 
yet somehow she knew it was more real than real.  She
had had 
questions—questions which she had no time to answer in
her other life.  That 
other life was too full of distractions, and people in
that other life 
didn't really want to ask those questions.  They were
afraid of what the 
answers might be.  So she had been brought here, to the
city on Jupiter.
        "This is crazy," she thought.  "Jupiter is a
gaseous planet, how can there 
be a city on its surface?"  But here she was.  She was
waiting for someone 
to take her to her rooms.  There she would be able to
study and think 
without distraction, and there would be people for her
to talk to when she 
needed help figuring something out.  She
half-remembered it being explained 
to her on the journey.  She wondered briefly if she
still existed in that 
other life and what she was doing there, then dismissed
the thought as 
irrelevant as she heard her guide approaching.  She
abandoned her view of 
earth, and turned to examine her host.  He was tall and
pale and looked 
somewhat vampirish.  She smiled at the thought.
        "Greetings.  Are you ready?"
        She nodded her assent.  He gathered her up in
his arms and the ground fell 
away.  She gazed at the city below her.  It looked like
a giant castle made 
of stone.  She was given images of the inhabitants
inside.  Some were like 
her, looking for answers, and some were the people who
lived and worked 
here.  They were the ones who made it possible for the
seekers to find their 
answers.  They filed, dusted, and kept the place
working.  She smiled again 
as she considered the normalcy of their work in such an
impossible place.  
She wondered whether she would ever be able to explore
this strange place 
during her stay.
        "Do not be deceived by the quickness of our
journey," her guide said in 
response to her unspoken question.  "Although we shall
reach your quarters 
soon, it would take you days to reach it on your own.
Do not attempt to 
move about the city without your guide."
        She nodded to show she understood, and in a few
moments they had reached 
her rooms.  Her guide alighted on the small balcony and
placed her gently on 
its stony surface.
        "If you need me, I shall be here."  And then he
was gone.
        She walked through an opening in the wall to
her room, noticing that there 
was no door, neither to the balcony, nor anywhere else
she could discern.  
There was another opening into another room, but no
doors leading outside 
her quarters at all.  In the front room was a chair, a
desk, bookshelves and 
a lamp that didn't seem to be plugged into anything,
although it turned on 
when she touched it.  She entered into the other room
to discover a bed, 
with another lamp on a bedside table.  This was also
not plugged into 
anything, though it turned on when she touched it.
There was another 
opening in this room, which led to a room with a bath
with no faucets, a 
chair and a table with towels on it.
        "How on earth, or rather on Jupiter, shall I be
able to use this?" she 
thought.  The thought of a bath was suddenly appealing,
especially since she 
couldn't figure out how she could have one.  At the
thought, the tub was 
suddenly filled with warm, softly scented water.
        "Oh, I am dreaming," she laughed as she
undressed.  She decided not to 
worry anymore about the logic of a place that was so
obviously impossible, 
and just enjoy the experience.
        After she was done with the bath, she stepped
out and dried herself with 
one of the towels on the chair.  It was warm and soft,
and dried her 
completely.  Although she had stayed in the bath for
over an hour, she 
wasn't wrinkled at all, nor did she feel dried out as
she normally did after 
staying in water for so long.  Shaking her head at the
continued unreality 
of the place, she looked around for her clothes.  They
were nowhere to be 
        "Where could they have gone?  I can't have lost
them, this place is almost 
as bare as a monk's cell…and I know no one's been in
here.  Well, since it's 
unlikely I'll have visitors, I guess I'll just go
without.  It isn't really 
cold in here, anyway."
        She left the towel on the chair and went back
into the bedroom.  Laid out 
on the bed was a caftan robe.  It was loose and
flowing, and felt like a 
cross between chamois leather and angora wool without
being exactly like 
either.  After putting it on she felt snug, warm and
completely comfortable.
        "Perfect dream material," she smiled to herself
and crossed into, for lack 
of anything else to call it, the study.
        She sat in the chair and wondered what happened
next.  Since she'd never 
expected an experience like this, she wasn't exactly
prepared.  She had 
questions, that's why she was here.  But lack of time,
and anyone to discuss 
such questions with had caused them to remain vague and
Socrateses were hard to come by in today's world.
        "Then again, since there was only one Socrates,
they were probably hard to 
come by even then," she thought.  "Hmmm…if I want to
find answers, I should 
probably define my questions.  How else will I know the
answer when and if I 
find it?"
        There was the meaning of life, of course.
Everyone always asked that 
question, it was something of a joke nowadays.  What is
the nature of man 
was another obvious question.  What was man's role in
the universe, did man 
have a role in the universe?  How would one define
having a role?
        "The earth wanted plastic," she laughed out
loud as she thought of Carlin's 
take on the subject.
        She got up and paced around the room.
"Perhaps I should make it more personal…make it
specific.  Who am I?  That 
seems like such a ridiculously simple question to
ask…I'm me, for Pete's 
sake.  But what does that mean?  How would I define
myself?  How do I fit in 
the scheme of things—if that means anything at all."
She sat down again.  

"Just trying to pin down a question is hard.  They all fit together, 
how  shall I figure out where to start?"




Free Flow of energy
The stream
Hemmed in
Turned back on
Dispersed into
It is never allowed to build
And build and build
Until the obstruction bursts
And the the stream can move on
In the free flow once more
Love, Rage, Creation
Curbed by a semi-permeable membrane
Just enough energy escapes 
To prevent explosion
Never enough to move forward

-- C de Le Muir -- © 11.23..00



Denver, CO
United States