All material on this page is copyrighted by Lillian Austen (contact via e-mail address on "Main Page -- Denver Sandwich"). Any use without consent of the the author is prohibited. © Lillian Austen-- 1/15/99 ~~ Life after Death ~~ He's Smoke He makes love so fiercely, like the hero in the movie who's killed all the bad guys and clutches the woman to his chest with his broken ribs and kisses her with his broken nose and you know they're going to do it and he won't even feel the pain because he's so heroic. That's how fierce he is . He says pain makes you feel alive. I'm alive! I'm so alive! He makes love so gently like a baby- suckling and mewling baby, baby, baby. and he brings you gifts. Shiny, mystical objects as a raven would bring. and he leaves you notes and doesn't call and just when you think he is at the farthest reach of your orbit he appears, pretty and brown in turquoise and boots to talk of Indian Angels, the bird people, his people and his Month Long journey to go to a Halloween party. You ask if he he'd seen the sunrise and of course he had and you picture him rising joyfully at about the time you were greeting the piercing peach sky after a ragged night. and you wait for another sunrise listening to-- inhaling his breath. and you have nothing to offer but surrender and your secret mantra Savor this, Savor this. And having masterly mastered you, weaving you through the night until where you end and the silken quilt begins becomes a molten unfolding in the room with orgasm visions of shallow blue Chinese bells on a long cord and a fleshy thick white Geogia O'keefe Kalla Lily with an electric red stamen like Luke Skywalkers sword, he smiles, giggles, gives a little bow and is gone. And you want to ask him. Is it my turn? Is it my time? But you can't ask smoke about time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ © PP 1/15/99 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ © Lillian Austen -- 3/12/99 Often in those years as I lay warmed against your back composing little word poems of gratitude and tenderness as you slept Enamored of your humor but afraid of being laughed at afraid of waking you I never spoke ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Insomnia Meditation Full moonlight through the skylight glowing in the bathtub Dog tags clinking as she drinks from the toilet baseboard ticking heater pipes Little boy on the couch talking in his sleep Someday peace again. Someday a cool hand on my forehead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gentle Spirit Man teaching me the rhythms of the garden teaching me the sacredness of touch I learn to share with you the universe I learn to not hold on to much. Sipping your seed from me pruning my trees searching the almanac for the final freeze Coming and going in a cosmic dance accepting the roam with your romance humble, spellbound, a timeless trance is it ordained or is it chance Living a pattern I can't decern my awe renewed at your return Longing and startled at your return Like waiting for the spotting of a sacred owl Knowing the lesson I must learn Loving your freedom you teach me how ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~© PP 3/12/99 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ untitled -- © Lillian Austen (Paula Preston) -- 30 Jan 1999 to and from from hibernating bear to raging wolf from seductive allusion of supposed safety to hot eyes with no lies of anything more then the moment from tender touches and terms of endearment from emotional cowardice and pretense of commitment to electric intention with indifference to future I spiral in the moonlight a singing ghost allowed to howl for what is found and what is lost ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ © PP 30 Jan 1999 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A love so kind it reaches across the chasm of separateness the mysteries of sparkling blue differences in our protoplasm me and you a love so kind it brings me back my visions A love so new and know a love so doomed by it's intensity A love so lost in the safety and the sense of self ------------------------------------------------------------------- -- love 101 -- © Lillian Austen, 22 Dec 1998 Distancing yourself because you're leaving? Too busy preparing to leave? I'm wasting the now with my grieving to easy a loss to believe Dreams brought to fruition savored on a graying day Dreams yet to discover uncovered while you're away settled, I dream at my leisure awaiting the dance to begin if ever it is to begin again let it begin in the Spring